Anger Sera

Woman Runs Herself Over In Dispute With Deputies
POSTED: 12:57 pm EDT September 15, 2008

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- A 63-year-old woman returned home from an area hospital on Monday, a day after she allegedly tried to run over a sheriff's deputy but ended up running over herself. [Just picture that in your head. That's funny.]
Mary Davis said she was trying to stop deputies from arresting her son when she lost control of the minivan. [Well duh. Everyone knows that the best way to keep your son from being arrested is to try to run over those who are trying to arrest him. ]
"It was just a freak accident," Davis said. [A freak accident? Yeah, if by that you mean an accident involving freakishly stupid people.]
Baker County deputies arrived at Davis' home on Sunday afternoon because of a domestic dispute involving her son and the mother of his children. [Note - not his wife, not his ex-wife, not his fiancee, not even his girlfriend...just the mother of his children - and they say America has lost its family values]
"I said, 'It's wrong that you're taking my son [so I gonna run your @ss over],'" Davis said.
She said that's when she told deputies if they were going to arrest her son, they would have to take her as well. [Also a great strategy for reasoning with the authorities...what did she think would happen?..."If you arrest my son, you have to arrest me too. ... Oh, no. We don't want to arrest you ma'am. What ever shall we do? ... We y'all better git on outta here then. ... Ok, ma'am. Since we don't want to arrest you, I guess we'll have to let your son go. Sorry to have disturbed you."]
"I was angry [Hmmm... Mom is angry about the son being arrested for domestic violence (no doubt anger related) ... The apple does not fall very far from the tree does it?] and I was just trying to get them to not take Clay because he hadn't done anything," Davis said.
According to an incident report, Davis ran inside her house, grabbed her keys and jumped into her minivan. One of the deputies was trying to get her out of the vehicle when Davis put the van in reverse and put her foot on the gas. [I wonder if she blew her Dukes of Hazzard horn first.]
The report states, the corporal had to jump out of the way to avoid being hit by van's door, which was still open. The woman fell out of the van when it slammed into a lawnmower.
The van ran her over, and then rammed into a Baker County Sheriff's Office vehicle.
"I can't explain it. It just happened too fast. [BS Translation: I am a big, giant moron and I did something so incredibly stupid that the English language does not have words that will explain this in such a manner that I may avoid embarrassment.] When you get angry, upset, that's just how fast things can happen before you even know it," Davis said. [BS Translation: I am a big, giant moron and my mind processes information at such a slow rate that even paint drying seems to happen at a break-neck pace.] Davis did not break any bones during the incident. Charges are still pending in the case.