Fart-a Sera

Charge dropped against man accused of passing gas

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) -- A West Virginia man accused of passing gas and fanning it toward a police officer [What? No dutch oven? No cupping and throwing?] no longer faces a battery charge. [Battery? That is some heavy gas!] The Kanawha County prosecutor's office requested that the charge be dropped against 34-year-old Jose Cruz. [because no one wants to prosecute a case where a fart was the weapon...could you imagine trying to admit that evidence at trial?..."Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in this jar holds the gas the defendant used to batter the officer. I will open it for you all to smell. Please use extreme caution, as the defendant ate two chili cheese burritos, a 7-11 big bite, and 3 pickled eggs, and drank 8 Budweisers before this gas was expelled.]
According to a criminal complaint, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward patrolman T.E. Parsons after being taken to the police station for a breathalyzer test. Cruz denies fanning the gas [this SBD crept over there on its own] and says his request to use a restroom when first arriving at the station was denied. [Just goes to show you why you should go to the bathroom BEFORE you leave the house, kids.]
An assistant says Magistrate Jack Pauley signed a motion to dismiss the charge Thursday.
Cruz, who was arrested Tuesday, still faces driving under the influence and other charges. [such as negligent digestion, involuntary nose-slaughter, malicious destruction of nasal hairs, littering, and a violation of the noise ordinance.]