Visa Sera

Alleged credit card thief signs name on receipts

Wed Sep 3, 9:24 PM ET
IOWA CITY, Iowa - Iowa City police say they didn't have much trouble finding a man accused of using a stolen credit card — he signed his own name to the receipts. [Holy Credit Card Theft Batman! How can we ever nab this nefarious ne'er-do-well? ... Patience, Robin. I put the credit card receipts into the Batcomputer and learned that the man who signed the receipts was not the same person as the man whose name is on the card. ... Holy megabites Batman! That's amazing! Thank goodness for the Batcomputer or we might never have solved this one!] Police said the man used the stolen credit card to buy a latte at a coffee house [Who can blame him? Have you seen how much a venti latte costs at Starbucks?] and to buy cigarettes at a tobacco store [Kool Methol? I don't think so. Kent Ultra Lights? Not today. Then what'll ya have? Gimme the good stuff - Marlboro reds, my man.]. Police said the credit card was reported stolen from an unlocked apartment last month. [After which Lex Luthor took the subsequent 30 days to plan his intricately wicked 4 store crime spree. With this stolen credit card he would wreak havoc on Iowa City and bring this financial megalopolis to its knees! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!] They said the man also tried to use it at another store [Had to be a liquor store, don't you think?], but the card was declined because it came up as stolen.[I'm sorry sir but this card was denied. ... What? Denied? ... Yes sir. It says here that the card is stolen. ... Stolen? How can that be? I have the card right here. So if the card is here, how can it be stolen? ... Ah. I see, sir. Good point. You must be right. So there is no need to call the police. But you should straighten that out with your credit card company. And while you are at it you should get them to correct your name, because they put someone else's name on the card.] He also used the card at a local deli. [$8 for a turkey sandwich! Can you believe that? Who carries that kind of cash around? I'm gonna have to charge this one.] He has been charged with four counts of unauthorized use of a credit card.