Bic-a-Sera

Man arrested after ballpoint pen stabbing

By Ben Winslow Deseret News
Published: Tuesday, Sept. 9, 2008 9:20 a.m. MDT
Cedar City police have arrested a wheelchair-bound man they say stabbed his brother-in-law in the face with a ballpoint pen as they were going to church. [Ok. Wait. There is too much humor in that one sentence. I am going into Buona Sera overload. Read it again. First, there is a convict who is complaining about how someone else raised HIS kids while HE was in JAIL not raising them because he is a criminal. Next we hear that it was his brother-in-law, a family member, who he presumably asked for help with this. Next we hear that he was so upset, he stabbed his family member over it - a good parental example to set. Then we hear that the weapon was a ballpoint pen - nice job MacGyver. Then we hear that the brother-in-law, presumably able bodied, got stabbed by someone in a wheel chair - couldn't he have just walked away? Then we hear he got stabbed in the face - not the leg, not the abdomen, or anywhere else low enough for someone in a wheel chair to reach, but in the face. Then we hear that all of this happened on the way to church - Thou shalt not shank thy brother-in-law. Really folks. I can't make this stuff up.]
Police said it happened Sunday morning outside the True Life Center church at 2111 N. Main. Jesus Javier Ortega [Yes, you read that right. Jesus...stabbed a guy...on the way to church. Really. I told you. I can't make this up.], 30, had been arguing off and on throughout the day with his brother-in-law, said Cedar City Police Sgt. Jerry Womack.
"The suspect had been in prison and the victim has been helping to raise his children. There was some dispute over the way the victim was raising his children, " Womack said Tuesday. [Apparently the brother-in-law was not teaching the children the proper life lessons, like how to turn a toothbrush into a weapon so you can shank the biggest muhfuhka in the joint and get your props in the yard.] Ortega, who is in a wheelchair, was being helped out of the car in the church parking lot when the victim was stabbed with the pen. "He was stabbed several times in the face," Womack said. [See kids. This is why we don't run with pens in our hands. Pens are dangerous. You could slip and accidentally stab someone in the face multiple times while they are trying to help you get out of a car.]
The victim was taken to the hospital where he was treated for punctures near his left ear, lip and right cheek. He received more than a dozen stitches and was later released. [When police questioned Ortega about the incident, he said, "I wasn't trying to stab him. I thought he was asking for my autograph."] Ortega was booked into the Iron County Jail on investigation of second-degree felony aggravated assault, where he remains in lieu of $20,000 bail. [And since it looks like he is going back to the hoosegow for a while, we can guess where the kids are going to stay. Don't you love the irony!]