Porna Sera

From Yahoo News

Man says he's porn inspector, demands free videos
Mon Aug 11, 11:00 PM ET
LONGMONT, Colo. - A man claiming to be a police detective tried to get an adult novelty shop to give him free X-rated videos, saying he wanted to make sure the performers weren't underage, authorities said. [Because that is the easiest way to get free porn…well, except for nearly every website on the internet.]
He made three tries within nine days last month [Nice to see he was not wasting his time on frivolity, like looking for a job.] and was turned down each time. The store manager called police after the third try. [Was that the first time this manager thought, "Hmmm, there might be something unusual about this customer. Maybe I should call the police." ? This manager gets the observational citizen of the year award.]
Authorities said Monday that the man showed a badge [Well hell if he had a badge he must be legit - you can't fake those. No wonder the manager waited until the 3rd try.] and left a business card [Yet even more evidence of legitimacy - no one could possibly have the computing power to create fake business cards. And even if they did, the printing costs would be way too expensive and too technologically diffic...Oh wait…] from the Longmont police "age verification unit." [Sure, that is believable. The bustling metropolis of Longmont, CO has so many people, and age verification is such a daunting task, that it is only natural it would need it's own unit in the local PD.] Cmdr. Tim Lewis said there is no such unit. [What! No such unit! That can't be true. Wait, didn't I see that on Law and Order? They don't just make that stuff up. It says right on the commercial that it is ripped from the headlines, so it must be real.]
"It was inventive on his part, I'll give him that," Lewis said. [Inventive? Oh yeah. What a brilliant disguise - a fake badge, and a fake card. No one could ever see through that iron-clad subterfuge. He must have spent months planning every detail of that masterful heist. Look out Danny Ocean!]
The business card didn't have anyone's name on it, but the store gave officers surveillance video of the man.[Whose likeness is surprisingly accurate on video, since his brilliant disguise of badge and business card did not quite cover his face. Drat! A fabulous heist foiled again! Damn you technology! Damn you to hell!] Police are looking for him. [Why look for him? Just wait at the store. He'll be back to try again in 3 days.]