Baseball-a Sera

9-year-old boy told he's too good to pitch

By JOHN CHRISTOFFERSEN, Associated Press Writer Mon Aug 25, 9:33 PM ET
NEW HAVEN, Conn. - Nine-year-old Jericho Scott is a good baseball player — too good, it turns out.
The right-hander has a fastball that tops out at about 40 mph. [Plus he has a killer set of Pokemon cards]. He throws so hard that the Youth Baseball League of New Haven told his coach that the boy could not pitch any more. [Apparently the New Haven Police set up a speed trap between 3rd and home, clocked the kid's pitches over the legal limit, and ticketed the league. Now the League faces the possibility of a fine and 2 points on their license. Plus you know the insurance is going to go u p to.] When Jericho took the mound anyway last week, the opposing team forfeited the game, packed its gear and left, his coach said. [That's the spirit of competition we are trying to teach our young people! Maybe those kids can use those same crybaby skills in school...when a test is too hard, you just pack your crap and go home. Then the test doesn't count! Woo-hoo! Let's all get on the train to Mediocreville!]
Officials for the three-year-old league [Is this the age of the league or the mental age of its commissioners?], which has eight teams and about 100 players, said they will disband Jericho's team, redistributing its players among other squads, and offered to refund $50 sign-up fees to anyone who asks for it. [Major League Baseball has noted what is happening and were going to do the same thing to the New York Yankees, but they tanked this year and saved themselves.] They say Jericho's coach, Wilfred Vidro, has resigned. But Vidro says he didn't quit and the team refuses to disband. Players and parents held a protest at the league's field on Saturday urging the league to let Jericho pitch. [They chained themselves to the backstop and laid down in front of the lawn mowers who were trying to cut the grass, all while chanting "Hell no, let him throw." But the lawn mowers had strict orders. The parents will be missed. Pray for them.]
"He's never hurt any one, [except making the other pansy kids cry] " Vidro said. "He's on target all the time. [except when he gets the sign to bring a little chin music] How can you punish a kid for being too good?"
The controversy bothers Jericho, who says he misses pitching.
"I feel sad," he said. "I feel like it's all my fault nobody could play." [Suck it up kid. It's the Spock rule. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. You need to throw fast, and the rest of the players need to feel like you are not better than they are and that they don't suck. You lose.]
Jericho's coach and parents say the boy is being unfairly targeted because he turned down an invitation to join the defending league champion, which is sponsored by an employer of one of the league's administrators. [League administrator, Hank Steinbrenner, denies that there is any truth to that report.]
Jericho instead joined a team sponsored by Will Power Fitness. The team was 8-0 and on its way to the playoffs when Jericho was banned from pitching.
"I think it's discouraging when you're telling a 9-year-old you're too good at something," said his mother, Nicole Scott. "The whole objective in life is to find something you're good at and stick with it. I'd rather he spend all his time on the baseball field than idolizing someone standing on the street corner."
League attorney Peter Noble [Whose name is quite ironic, since he is clearly one and not the other. Think about it. Look at the name. Wait for it..one...not the other....there it is. Now you get it.] says the only factor in banning Jericho from the mound is his pitches are just too fast. ["Our slow-ass, lazy, fat, sloppy, video game junkie kids can barely lift the bat. How are they going to hit a 40mph fast ball?"] "He is a very skilled player, a very hard thrower," Noble said. "There are a lot of beginners. [translation: These kids are wimps and crybabies] This is not a high-powered league. [translation: We want all of the kids to be the same. If everyone is the same, no one sucks. Our kids' constitutions are too delicate to accept the possibility that they suck.] This is a developmental league whose main purpose is to promote the sport. [translation: These kids don't want to be here. They are only here because their parents sucked at sports when they were kids and want to live vicariously through their kids' accomplishments.] "
Noble acknowledged that Jericho had not beaned any batters in the co-ed league of 8- to 10-year-olds, but say parents expressed safety concerns. [Oh no. We would not want our kids to get an owie.]
"Facing that kind of speed" is frightening for beginning players, Noble said. [Or is it frightening for the thin-skinned, politically correct, parenting-nazis watching the beginners?]
League officials say they first told Vidro that the boy could not pitch after a game on Aug. 13. Jericho played second base the next game on Aug. 16. But when he took the mound Wednesday, the other team walked off and a forfeit was called. [What a great lesson to teach our kids.]
League officials say Jericho's mother became irate, threatening them and vowing to get the league shut down. [She was seen to do such offensive things as ball her fist and raise it in the air, while saying "Drat! You cursed other team players!" Some witnesses even say she raised her voice, causing some other parents to fear for their children's hearing and causing the league to issue a rule that all players must wear earplugs during the remaining games.]
"I have never seen behavior of a parent like the behavior Jericho's mother exhibited Wednesday night," Noble said. [So he saw it? He was there? Doesn't that make him a witness? And thus unable to act as an attorney as a result of the conflict of interest? Plus if he was there too, that means his probably has a kid in the league, making him one of the parents of the pansy-progeny.]
Scott denies threatening any one, but said she did call the police. [Who, if you remember were close by, hiding in their speed trap between 3rd and home.] League officials suggested that Jericho play other positions [because no kid ever gets hit in the face by a middle infielder throwing to first on a double play], or pitch against older players or in a different league[translation: kids who are not quite a sissified as these kids].
Local attorney John Williams was planning to meet with Jericho's parents Monday to discuss legal options. [That is basic law school stuff - I think it's in the 1st Amendment - No state shall abridge the right of talented children to throw heat.]
"You don't have to be learned in the law to know in your heart that it's wrong, [And as we all know, the law ALWAYS rights the wrongs, right? " he said. "Now you have to be punished because you excel at something?" [Now go to your room and write "I will not throw gas." one hundred times.

[Phew. That was a long one. I think I need a drink. Hey bartender! Jobu needs a refill!"