Boner Sera

Man denied refund for condoms accused of calling 911

Thu Aug 21, 5:18 PM ET
ENGLEWOOD, N.J. - Police said a man called 911 and reported a robbery after a gas station employee refused to give him his money back for an unopened box of condoms. [He originally bought them because he was going to go home and masturbate and he was afraid of getting himself pregnant, but then he realized he did not get the kind with the spermicide in it, and he just didn't want to take the chance.]
Police said officers responded quickly to the call on Sunday and found a gas station worker who fit the description of the robber given by the caller. [The description was as follows: He was medium height, medium build, dark hair, of middle eastern descent, wearing a BP uniform with "Sanjeet" on a patch on his shirt. Police used their razor sharp investigative skills to locate the alleged robber standing behind the counter at the BP station, next to the scratch-offs.]
Police said the 21-year-old man told them he called 911 and made the bogus report to help him get his money back. [This plan is so stupid, it is its own joke.] Police charged him with making a false report. [Apparently it does not count as robbery to steal someone's dignity and self respect when you have none in the first place.]