Jedi Sera

This news piece goes to show that not all stupidity happens in the US

'Darth Vader' spared jail in Jedi church attacks
Wed May 14, 7:36 AM ET
HOLYHEAD, Wales - A man who dressed up as Darth Vader, wearing a garbage bag for a cape(and a bucket for a helmet, and a flashlight as a light saber), and assaulted the founders of a group calling itself the Jedi church (Can you say Scientology?) was given a suspended sentence Tuesday. Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, attacked Jedi church founder Barney Jones " aka Master Jonba Hehol (Which translates to Master Jerkoff Nodates)" with a metal crutch (Oh no! Not the dreaded metal crutch! Only a true Sith Lord can wield such destructive weapon!), hitting him on the head (Where was HIS helmet?? He must have left it with his drool cup when he got off the short bus.), prosecutors told Holyhead Magistrates' Court. He also whacked Jones' 18-year-old cousin, Michael Jones " known as Master Mormi Hehol (Which translates to Master Lives-with-his-Mom Nodates)" bruising his thigh (Considering the location of this injury, I guess "whacked" (see previous sentence) is the proper description) in the March 25 incident, prosecutors said. The two cousins and Barney Jones' brother, Daniel, set up the Church of Jediism, Anglesey order, last year. Jedi is the faith followed by some of the central characters in the "Star Wars" films. The group, which claims about 30 members, says on its Web site that it uses "insight and knowledge" from the films as "a guide to living a better and more worthwhile life." (Including such daily useful pearls of wisdom as how to successfully navigate an asteroid field, how to work a moisture farm on a planet with 2 suns, how to survive if you are encased in carbonite, and how to arrange your Jedi robes so your money-maker doesn't slip out.) "We all love the films and what they stand for. Obviously some people are going to laugh about it (No! Say it isn't so!)," the Wales on Sunday newspaper quoted Barney Jones as saying last month. "But a lot of people do take it seriously." (I guess when you have no friends, a membership of 30 does seem like a lot.) Unfortunately for Hughes, his March attack was recorded on a video camera (Why didn't he just use the force to disable the camera? Sheesh!) that the cousins had set up to film themselves in a light saber battle. (This is a Jedi ritual known as "Dorkus Playactus" and it is usually followed by such rituals as "Goober Youtuber Poster" or "Cleanup Momsbasementus" and occasionally "Taketo Emergencyroomus") "Darth Vader! Jedis!" Hughes shouted as he approached. (Shouldn't they have "sensed" his presence before he shouted?)Hughes claimed he couldn't remember the incident, having drunk the better part of a 2 1/2-gallon (10-liter) box of wine beforehand. (And there is the payoff -now we see how this got started. You see, nothing good can come from drinking boxed wine. And as a side note, why couldn't these 2 "Jedis" beat the dog crap out of a drunk? Because they are goobers, that's why.) "He knows his behavior was wrong (Of course he does. He is Darth Vader. Everything he does is evil. After all, once you start down the dark path, forever will it control your destiny.) and didn't want it to happen (Because once you choose the dark path, you are powerless against its will. I wonder if that was his defense in court??) but he has no recollection of it," said Hughes' lawyer, Frances Jones. District Judge Andrew Shaw sentenced Hughes to two months in jail (Which, considering his personality, is a death sentence for him. Can you imagine what sorts of salad-tossing, soap-dropping, jailhouse lovin' he would be subjected to?) but suspended the sentence for one year. He also ordered Hughes to pay $195 to each of his victims (Wait a second, he got to beat up dorks for price of $195 each. That sounds like a small business opportunity to me) and $117 in court costs. In the 2001 United Kingdom census, 390,000 " 0.7 percent of the population" listed Jedi as their religion.