Schweddy Sera

[Ed. Note: Even though this is not a story from America, it is way too funny not to include.]

'Battered' testicles on the menu in nutty e-cookbook
Wed Oct 1, 11:19 AM ET
LONDON (AFP) - Squeamish men look away now: a Serbian chef is bringing out Thursday a no-holds-barred guide to cuisine with a twist: "The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls." [Are there so few food products now that people are actually eating balls???]
Hailed as the world's first testicle recipe collection by e-book publishers YUDU, the cookbook includes author Ljubomir Erovic's favourite dishes, like testicle pizza, battered testicles and and barbecued testicles and giblets. [And don't forget that favorite holiday treat - Schweddy Balls!]
The e-book, available for download from the Internet, comes with handy video guides showing the Serb peeling the skin off testicles and slicing them up into bite-size chunks.
Several different animals, including stallions, ostriches, bulls, pigs and turkeys [and big ole corn-fed midwestern bo-hunks], get the Erovic treatment.
"Wash testicles thoroughly for 30-45 minutes, [C'mon now. That's not a recipe. That's just good hygiene.]" begins the recipe for testicles pie.
"Once softened, mince them in a mincer." [Or simply give them to your ex-wife. She will be happy to mince your balls for you.]
A "very sharp knife" is needed for traditional style testicles, which get boiled, cut up and deep fried in hot oil. [This process is otherwise known as divorce.]
Erovic, 45, may be self-taught in the art of testicle cuisine but his 20 years of "cooking with balls" make him a world authority in the field. [How proud his father must be.] "The tastiest testicles [aside from my own] in my opinion probably come from bulls, stallions or ostriches, although other people have their own favourites," he said.
"All testicles can be eaten -- except human, of course." [Well now Clarice, that is not exactly true now it is? Y'know, a census taker once tried to test me. I ate his testicles with some fava beans and a nice chianti. FFFT FFFFT FFFT FFFT.] Testicles are rich in testosterone [And some other unsavory substances] and they are believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac in countries such as Serbia and China. "The best for aphrodisiac properties are sheep and stallion testicles", said Erovic. [Old Man: "Yak loin. Good to keep the Yang up." ... Chandler Jarrell: "Hey man, nothin' wrong with my yang." ] And with the credit crunch kicking in, more people may give up their rump steaks and turn to testicles instead. [The economy really IS breaking people's balls.]
Erovic also organises the World Testicle Cooking Championship, held annually in Serbia since 2004. It draws in chefs from Australia, Bosnia-Hercegovina, Finland, Greece, Hungary, Norway and Serbia. [Margaret Jo McCullen: Hello. I'm Margaret Jo McCullen.
Teri Rialto: And I'm Teri Rialto.
Margaret Jo McCullen: And you're listening to..
Together: The Delicious Dish, on National Public Radio ...
Margeret Jo McCullen: Now, Teri, it's World Testicle Cooking Championship season again, our favorite time of the year.
Teri Rialto: And we have a very special guest today.
Margeret Jo McCullen: That's right, Teri. He's the owner of his own bakery, with a very, very cleaver name - Season's Eatings.
Teri Rialto: [ laughs ] That's really funny!
Margeret Jo McCullen: I know, it rhymes with Season's Greetings!
Teri Rialto: Please welcome the owner of Season's Eatings - Pete Schweddy.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Well Pete, Teri and I have been looking forward to having you on the show, 'cause we know you're the master of all kinds of Tournament goodies. Tell us about them.
Pete Schweddy: Well, there are lots of great treats this time of year - Zucchini Bread, Fruitcake.. but the thing that I most like to bring out this time of year are my Balls.
Teri Rialto: Mmm.. Balls.. Tell us about your Balls, Pete.
Pete Schweddy: Well, over at Season's Eatings, we have Balls for every taste. Stallion Balls, Bull Balls, Ostrich Balls.. you name it.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Wow! My mouth's watering just thinking about those Balls!
Teri Rialto: It's been years since I've seen any Balls.
Pete Schweddy: Would you like to see my Balls now?
Margeret Jo McCullen: Yeah. Whip them out.
Teri Rialto: Mmm.. wow.. you have some beautiful Balls.
Margeret Jo McCullen: They're bigger than I expected.
Pete Schweddy: A lot of people tell me that.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Look at that, Teri - the way they glisten.
Pete Schweddy: That's because make sure that each one of my Balls gets plenty of oil.
Margeret Jo McCullen: I can't help but, notice, Pete - your Balls are a little misshapen.
Pete Schweddy: That's because I rested them on a hot stove too long.
Teri Rialto: Can I touch your Balls.
Pete Schweddy: Go ahead. But be careful, they're very delicate.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Wow. I can't wait to get my mouth around his Balls.
Teri Rialto: [ sniffing ] Ooh.. I like the way your Balls smell.
Pete Schweddy: Do whatever you want to, ladies. My Balls are here for your pleasure.
Margeret Jo McCullen: [ chewing ] Wow, Pete.. I have to say - your Balls are so tender.
Pete Schweddy: Well, there's no beating my Balls. They're made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Wow.. Schweddy Balls. Nothing like a Schweddy Ball.
Teri Rialto: Good Balls.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Mmm.. good times.
Teri Rialto: Good times.]
One metric ton of testicles are prepared. "When not cooking or eating testicles, or helping others to do so, (Erovic) now runs a company involved in the maintenance of medical and dental equipment," the book said.