Perv Sera

Thanks to follower Beachterp for the heads up of this story. The orginal story, along with photos, can be seen on The Smoking Gun at http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0205091doll1.html

Make sure you check out the pages after it, especially the one showing the police report at the end.

Blow-up Doll Party

Floridian nabbed for public ménage a trois with plastic partners

FEBRUARY 5--A Florida man was arrested yesterday after he was spotted fondling and making out with a pair of blow-up dolls in a supermarket parking lot. [Cops are always trying to front on the true playas! C'mon, don't hate the playa, hate the game.] Shoppers called cops [911: 911 Emergency Response. What's your emergency. ... Caller: Uh, yeah. There is a guy f**king a doll in the Publix parking lot. ... 911: Uh, ok ma'am. Stay on the phone with me. Can you describe him. ... Caller: Yes. He is a white male, early to mid 50s ... 911: Oooh yes. Caller: goofy look on his face, thin spikey hair... 911: Oooh yes. Keep going. ... Caller: He's wearing shorts with a hole in the crotch... 911: OOOOOHHHHH. YES! .... Caller: And he is having a doll's mouth rubbing up and down on his ...911: YES! YES! YES! OOOHHHH. Someone get me a cigarette.] when they spotted George Bartusek, 51, getting busy in the front seat of his 1998 Lincoln Town Car[What else is a pimp gonna drive], which was parked directly in front of a Publix store [Apparently this guy thought the store was called Pubix, and was coming to add to his collection]. Evidence photos showing Bartusek's inanimate partners were provided to TSG by the Cape Coral Police Department. According to a police report, witnesses told cops that Bartusek was "performing activity to two different blow up dolls[A man that sexy cannot be expected to be a one-doll man] in his vehicle that was consistent with masturbation and other simulated sexual activity." He was also spotted "aggressively" kissing [Dat's right. Gots ta keep his pimp hand strong] the dolls. When confronted by police, Bartusek said that he was headed to Target to "get some clothes for his dolls." [Of course. Dem hoes need some fly gear to get dat money. Everyone knows Target has the fliest gear anywhere.] Bartusek, charged with breach of peace, was wearing shorts with a three-inch opening "in the crotch area."[Poor guy. 3 inch opening corresponds with a 3 inch, er, nevermind] Of course, he "had no underwear on under the shorts,"[Of course!. Underwear is for suckas!] noted police. Bartusek is pictured at right in a Lee County Sheriff's Office mug shot.

Party Sera

Man accused of selling daughter for cash, beer

GREENFIELD, Calif. (AP) -- Police have arrested a Greenfield man for allegedly arranging to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage (So is this what all the Star Wars geeks are doing with all that money?) in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer (That should last the better part of the weekend!) and several cases of meat. (If meat comes by the case, is that really the kind of meat you want to eat?) Police said they only learned of the deal after the 36-year-old man went to them to get his daughter back because payment wasn't made as promised. (What? Ack, hack, ugh, gulp...sorry I just almost choked on my lunch. Seriously WTF? Is this guy a genius or what? Here's the exchange: "Uh officer, I'd like to report a fraud. ....Ok, sir, what is the fraud. ... Well, see, I was having this big party, y'know, for the playoffs and stuff, and I needed some beer and snacks. I was a little short on cash and sold my kid to this guy for sixteen large, plus 100 cases of Bud and a bunch of cases of potted meat. But that bastard never paid me. ... Uh, wait, you sold a child? .. Yes sir. Got a great deal for her too. ... Are you f*cking kidding me? ... No sir. And this guy has a history of not paying for stuff. I sold him a bag of weed once and he owes me for that too. ... Sir, put your hands behind your back, please. ... What? What'd I do?" ) The man was arrested Sunday on suspicion of human trafficking. (His defense is that there was no trafficking because they walked.) Officers also arrested an 18-year-old man on suspicion of statutory rape. (His defense is that he doesn't even own a statue, so how could he have raped one. Plus who would even want to - they are cold and it causes abrasions.) Investigators believe the girl went willingly with the man (What?!?!?!?! Is a 14 year old capable of doing ANYTHING with a man willingly??? Are they freakin' kidding?), but she's under California's legal age of consent and can't legally marry. (So if she was over 18 it would be OK to sell her for booze and meat? Is that really what the police are implying here???) Police say arranged marriages involving underage girls have become a problem in this small Central Coast farming community. (So, just exactly how does this become a problem in the first place? Really? I guess all that in-breeding causes the impropriety gene to be eliminated from their DNA?)